nor am i trying to disrespect the list members in the two possible ways i am worrying about: - i said "i am not trying to fry the brains of the mailing list". this is a horrible joke in that we all have had our brains fried by now, and there is minimal acknowledgement of this. i am obviously participating in worsening that by making the joke. formal apologies. please try not to fry your brains worse because i suggested it, and please try not to fry your brains worse because i asked you not to. - i said "i often feel like my spam is intended to "quash" the other posters into stopping posting". there is presently a lull in posting, and over the last few years the posts have reduced more and more: for me i've imagined that associated with struggle and suffering. i do not mean to disrespect any stuggle and suffering, nor the fact that all the hackers are missing from this hacker portal. it is again a horrible and disrespectful joke that i even came onto this list with, and have probably been engaging this joke in ways that harm people. again, formal apologies. I am apologising for this instance of these expressions. I am afraid I have made similar expressions at many other times, and I am quite regretful and sad around these, but I don't want to imply that i am quite planning on stopping yet :S i guess i am hoping that the spam tags can help assuage any torture i stimulate.