we’re checking in around pants !! (maybe)

3 of my pants are so ripped they’re indecent.

i used to repair my own pants, but now my hands don’t obey me, it’s not easy to do, from the influence. i don’t think i’ve sewn pants since before 2014.

looks like at least one mistake here. i think i would lose the needle and thread (common with dissociative conflict) rather than have the opportunity to control my hands. hand control was more with electronics (although starting to find coping strategies! still very triggering)

it’s confusing, now, to have ripped pants, i don’t understand that i’m not sewing them, or why.

i wanted to look more decent (yesterday i saw a guy on the bus who also had indecent pants), so i’m visiting tailors to have them repaired since i seem to have stopped sewing.

this tailor told me i should instead buy new pants, that i could get new pants like mine for $30 at t.j.maxx. i said it was hard to find wool pants, but she said it would make more sense to get new ones.

we were thinking, i don’t think i’ve ever bought pants a5 t.j.maxx or thrown out an old pair of pants in my whole life. not something i’m used to, or think of.

i would instead use one pair of pants as material to repair another.

most recently i’ve bought pants at goodwill, but that’s gotten hard for me too, the inhibition against thoroughly reviewing many things makes it hard to go through their unsorted offerings. so these pants were bought online for a lot of money!

i told her these were expensive pants but she still told me to buy new ones.

i wear wool pants, because they are warm when wet. i usually try to only wear wool where reasonable. i was excited to find wool cargo pants online. i don’t think i’d find that at t.j.maxx but i’m wondering now.

this is of course a small confusion compared to other inhibitions and issues (like brushing my teeth, or cooking food in my pot).

these pants cost a lot of money, i would have been happy to pay her to repair them, but instead she didn’t get my business. i would be happier of course to repair them myself.

we’ll find a path forward :)