if you have serious dissociative issues with executive functioning from fighting a persecutory alter for years that identifies by the name “mind control”,(like me?),

then you may encounter serious issues when trying to write anything at all, let alone plans that assume you are free to pick your own behaviors.

For me, it maybe keys onto a handful of different kinds of things i think in response to e.g. adding items to a todo list. Some of it depends on being a todo list, some of it depends on being or appearing a plan to accomplish the item, some of it responds to things i daydream or imagine or brainstorm or remember associated with the item, some of it simply keys onto words or phrases …

I mentioned to therapist about “titrating” which I’d hears in a trauma support group; taking approaches very very slowly. They hadn’t heard this term, but I meant to refer to how I’d found some success in being so slow that the parts were actually pretty okay with it. It meant so slow it basically wasn’t happening, but it gave a place to develop it. (I was referring to the wim hof shower experiments where one thing that really helped too was journaling and normativity and other things. I stopped doing it sadly, but it had very strong staying power).

The todo list was tense, especially with the phrase in quotes in the following paragraph. When I think about it, I feel like even just saying one letter again could upset things so much that I abandon the email. For years, we’ve been studying how to be productive.This means not abandoning tasks, likely, but finding ways to stay with them and make progress.

(right now it’s responding to its perception i think of me trying to resist it (which bears a little reality but i think could leave out my interest in working with it

so, i’m thinking of spending some time specifically not writing a todo list, for the overt intent of building ease around todo lists, because i want to write them. holding these 3 things consciously.

i feel that probing the nature of any concern is a further concern, and i express i do not want to probe in this way, in any harmful way. i am curious, only because i want to write one. todo lists help me in many ways, and are part of executive functionining.

we’re thinking maybe it could be nice to have space for parts to veto items in todo lists. some of us are considering that we can’t always know every property of somethijg in a todo list (don’t think that yet, too much negstiviity

i’m feeling some displeasure, and i’m thinking it could be nice to reduce the displeasure, if there were any way to do this.