Thanks to <ld231782@LANCE.ColoState.Edu> - Q. How many endangered bureacrats does it take to screw in a light bulb? A1. We're not sure, they prefer to hide in the shadows. A2. We don't know, we can't find any. Have you seen any? A3. You only need one, but each only works once because they invariably manage to electrocute themselves in the process. A4. You must fill out form KT-398930-0-3893-1z(321.31x*) in sextuplicate, "Requisition for Light Amplification and Enhancement Device Facilities and Staff Resources and Efficacy Data Measures Projections and Speculations." Invisible ink only. Reply will be shipped on punch cards by carrier pigeon after brief administrative period. Offer void where prohibited. Prohibited in this universe. Q. How many FBI agents does it take to wiretap? A1. All of them. One to hold the alligator clips and the rest to convince the Congress and American public "he's just doing his job." A2. FBI doesn't actually `wiretap,' a groundless popular myth. They only participate in wholesome law-enforcement activities at all times. A3. Two. One to do the job and one to botch it. Public relations is automatically handled by a new AI program that endlessly constructs almost-coherent sentences from keywords like `dead bodies', `airplane explosion', `innocent children', `drug dealers', `terrorists', `criminals', `law-abiding public,' `American businesses'. A4. B.C. (Before cryptography), several. After, none. (See also `endangered bureacrats.') Q. How many NSA agents does it take to spy on U.S. citizens? A. Sorry, that's classified information. Q. Why does D. Sternlight favor Clipper technology? A1. It's the kind of idea he could have come up with himself. A2. Doesn't like to be bothered by details. That's what the NSA is for. A3. No unsound idea has ever emanated from the U.S. Government. A4. Having been to many subversive foreign countries, he recognizes the necessity of spying on them. Q. Why is D. Denning promoting Clipper? A1. Peer pressure (all her friends are doing it). A2. Wanted to beat the rush. A3. Looks good on her resume. A4. Everyone needs a hobby. A5. Coincidentally got an NSA employee after signing up for the Adopt an Endangered Bureacrat program. Q. Why is D. Denning's cryptography book so successful? A1. It's cornered the lucrative NSA textbook market. A2. The NSA bureacrats love to shred their reading material, and order new copies each time they need to look something up (which is frequent). A3. People marvel at the writing by an expert endorsed by the NSA. A4. NSA afraid someone will read it so they buy all the copies. Q. Why is the Clinton administration wholeheartedly promoting Clipper? A1. The neato secret decoder rings handed out at the briefing won everyone over immediately. A2. Opportunity for another authoritative and stunning nose-tweaking at `the previous administration'. A3. First installment of the fabulous new and comprehensive `Orwell Plan'. A4. Anything to get those creepy NSA guys to go away. Q. Why did the NSA come up with the Clipper chip? A1. Job security. A2. Entertainment. A3. Scared silly of `economic espionage' monsters hiding in the closet. A4. Got bored that day. A5. Great joke on those Mykotronx bozos. - -- This is a carbon copy of a message that was sent to 4 different e-mail to USENET gatewys: 1. to alt.privacy.clipper via cs.utexas.edu via nowhere@bsu-cs.bsu.edu 2. to alt.privacy via demon.co.uk via ebrandt@jarthur.claremont.edu 3. to sci.crypt via decwrl.dec.com via elee7h5@rosebud.ee.uh.edu 4. to misc.legal.computing via news.cs.indiana.edu via phantom@mead.u.washington.edu Let's see how they fare.... Ye olde Spooge Meister spooge /spooj/ 1. Inexplicable or arcane code <spooge@dev.null.net> or random and probably incorrect output from a computer program.