i thought id live there forever one day when i was 12 my dad quit his job and we moved to lake tahoe it rocked my stable world different boyfriends came and went through all this some i thought i could marry some i was mad at myself for hanging around some that broke my heart im just obsessed with him isnt life surprising i was laying awake thinking last night about how different my life has gone then what i thought (in a good way) i went to the fabric store tonight in search of prints to make some new spring scarves with some will probably end up in the shop too i just love this look also i love toast (the catalog and the cooked bread) from the spring/summer 09 toast catalog all the sudden im 30 i thought id be driving a mini van full of kids and happily decorating my own home but life has shown me again that i am not in control and as i wait for more children and a sense of being settled let me explain Buoy ok its hard to stop i love every song what a few hours on a sunny day can do for you i am given glimpses of the why and the good and the reasons and the plan the bigger picture and the necessity for some to not fit the mold refined sugar will be your enemy till you die and then that got me thinking that really its not just while laying in bed that she is watching out for me she is my best babysitter for cate she takes turns with me putting cate to bed and being her pillow all day the kids hung out at that corner played on that grass got drinks out of that hose went through the secret passage way in the juniper bushes and only left the area to go around the block over and over again sometimes it was on bikes with banana seats sometimes roller skates sometimes big wheels sometimes walking even occasionally on skateboards with cardboard boxes on them (our cars) i was born in orange county where my parents had lived in the same house for like 20 years they had both lived in so cal all their lives one more thought about best friends