Now there's a really intelligent response to the MIB! I think Blanc would have done a better self-service to have responded that way. MAKE THEM GET A WARRANT! It's your ONLY legal defense against a fishing expedition! It's our CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT to require a warrant before letting them in! We are NOT criminals just because we do not allow the MIBs to make ILLEGAL and UNCONSTITUTIONAL searches of our properties! If they can't convince a judge AND obtain a specifically worded search warrant then they are obviously fishing! Tell to go find a real deep lake... I also give the writer an A+ for the Clintonian and Reagonesque touches! APF
Hello, I'm Special Agent Murfrock of the IRS and this is Special Agent Prenfrew. We'd like to speak with you about C. J. Parker, maybe known to you as "Toto" or "TruthMonger..."
Sorry, I don't recognize any of those. Isn't Toto the dog?
The dog?
Yes, Dorothy's dog in... (stops when he notices that the agents are scribbling furiously in their notebooks)
May we come in?
No, I was just about to go to sleep. I'm not well.
Sorry to hear that. We have an e-mail here that you sent to Toto, and another he sent back to you...
May I see those? (takes the printouts)
Sorry, doesn't ring a bell.
Well, if you look at those headers, the ones circled in red, you will see that...
You must be kidding! There are more people forging e-mail headers than live in St. Louis! Everybody knows that.
Would you mind if we just come in for a moment?
Yes, I would. I told you, I am going to sleep.
Would you mind if we look at your computer?
Why would you want to do that?
Well if you didn't send or receive these messages, you have nothing to worry about.
I don't see any reason to do that.
We can get a warrant, very quickly, as a matter of fact. If you cooperate, things will go better for you.
I love to cooperate. I want to cooperate. I am cooperating to the fullest extent I believe is required of me. Ask me something that makes sense and I'll answer it.
We have learned sooo much from our wonderful President Clinton, haven't we?!
Have you ever heard of a group called the Cypherpunks?
It rings a bell.
Are you a member?
No.
How do you explain the fact that we found your e-mail address on a Cypherpunks membership list in a computer we seized?
I have no idea. I don't join organizations.
Are you a member of the Majordomo organization?
No. The only majordomo I've ever heard of is a mail list manager.
Where have you seen this Majordomo?
Oh, everywhere. I think it's worldwide in scope.
(scribble scribble)
It's some kind of utility program. Everybody uses it.
(scribbling stops) What can you tell us about it?
Nothing, really. If you want to get on a mail list you send a "subscribe" message to a majordomo. If you want to get off, I think you send an "unscrive" message.
Have you ever done that?
Maybe. I don't recall. Anyone can submit your e-mail address to lists, so you don't even have to subscribe to be on an e-mail list. And there's so much spam these days that I don't recognize half the stuff I get.
Spam? (the agents look at each other)
Junk e-mail. I delete most of my e-mail without even reading it. Sometimes my email program crashes and it all gets deleted before I can look at it.
(scribble scribble) How many lists have you joined?
I don't remember. I never paid any attention to those things, and since I banged my head three months ago, I haven't been remembering a lot of things.
(scribble scribble) So, are you denying being a member of the Cypherpunks?
I don't know what that means.
Have you ever subscribed to the Cypherpunks e-mail list?
I have no idea.
You have no idea? You don't remember?
I don't know what I've subscribed to, unsubscribed from, what I get, don't get. E-mail is a complete mess and I ignore most of it. I'm really not very good at those things.
May we look?
No.
Are you going to make us get a warrant?
Get what you like. My disk crashed last week and I threw it away. Lost everything. In fact I just formatted my new disk and the only data on it is manuscripts for the columns I write.
Columns?
I write for a magazine and a couple of newspapers.
(oh shit) (scribble scribble) Oh yeah? Which ones?
I don't think that's appropriate.
Well, we'll be back. Here's my card in case you think of anything you'd like to tell us.
Sure.
One more thing. Have you ever been invited to join something called The Circle of Eunuchs, e-u-n-u-c-h-s?
I don't recall ever hearing of anything like that.
Do you know who Tim May is?
Nope. Sounds like a real common name, though.
How about Blanc?
Is that French?
Never mind. Thanks. We'll be seeing you.
(I don't _think_ so)
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AmnesiaMonger