*** Some Funny Taglines ***** 2 rules to success in life. 1. Don't tell people everything you know. A good pun is its own reword. A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act them out. After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible. Alcoholic: Someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door. Any man who can see through women is sure missing a lot. Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key. Blessed are the censors; they shall inhibit the earth. Budget: A method for going broke methodically. Can you think of another word for "synonym"? Circle: A line that meets its other end without ending. Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction. Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good. Consider what might be fertilizing the greener grass across the fence. Death and taxes are inevitable; at least death doesn't get worse every = year. Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. Does Time pass? Yes, it does. How else can you explain Visa bills? Don't use no double negatives, not never. Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things. Don't eat the yellow snow. Down with categorical imperatives. Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped. =20 Electricity comes from electrons; morality comes from morons. Everything in moderation, including moderation. Familiarity breeds children. Fast, Cheap, Good: Choose any two. Fools rush in -- and get the best seats in the house. Give me chastity and continence, but not just now. -- St. Augustine Have an adequate day. He has the heart of a little child... it's in a jar on his desk. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. He who laughs last didn't get the joke. Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on = people. Hospitality: Making your guests feel at home, even though you wish they = were. How come wrong numbers are never busy? I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails. I do a lot of thinking in the john. Says a lot for my thoughts. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. -- = Groucho Marx I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer. -- = Albran I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I may not be the world's greatest lover, but number seven's not bad. -- = Allen I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. -- Marx = I will meet you at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk. I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was = wrong. I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the = lost. I want to die in my sleep like my father, not screaming like his = passengers. I will always love the false image I had of you. I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous. I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in? If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway. If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment. If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all. If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? -- Art Hoppe If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in? If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday? Illiterate? Write for free help. In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it. It doesn't matter whether you win or lose -- until you lose. It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. -- Albert = Einstein It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost. It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. -- Phil White=20 It was a brave man that ate the first oyster. I'll procrastinate...tomorrow. I'll race you to China. You can have a head start. Ready, set, GO! Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so you can strangle it at any time. Keep stress out of your life. Give it to others instead. Knocked; you weren't in. -- Opportunity=20 Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions. -- Henry Camp=20 Laugh at your problems; everybody else does. Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either. Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. Life is like a fountain... I will tell you how when I figure it out. Life is like an analogy. Make a firm decision now... you can always change it later. Male zebras have white stripes, but female zebras have black stripes. May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse. Money DOES talk -- it says good-bye. Most of us hate to see a poor loser. Rich winners, though, are worse. Mr. Bullfrog sez: Time is fun when you're having flies. My name is Annie Key. Ouch! Why are you hitting me?! My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips. My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right. Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have. Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely. Never forget: 2 + 2 =3D 5 for extremely large values of 2. Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist. Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please. No prizes for predicting rain. Prizes only awarded for building arks. Nobody ever goes there, it's too crowded. (I've actually HEARD this!)=20 Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it is time to get up. One good turn usually gets most of the blanket. Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing. -- Roy Ash=20 Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal. People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do. Politics: n. from Greek; "poli" - many; "tics" - ugly, bloodsucking = parasites. Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. (Anything in Latin sounds = profound.) Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. Some people would not recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head. Someday you will get your big chance -- or have you already had it? Sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the windshield. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. -- Sigmund Freud=20 Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly. That was Zen; this is Tao. The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected. The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you have it = made. The death rate on Earth is: .... (computing) .... One per person. The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method. The number watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate = it. There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't. There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to = life. They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now. This aphorism would be seven words long if it were six words shorter. This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget = it. This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. -- Winston = Churchill This sentence contradicts itself: no, wait, actually it doesn't. To err is human. To admit it is a blunder. To err is human. To blame someone else for your errors is even more = human. Toe: A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark. -- Rilla = May=20 Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it is just the = opposite. We aren't sure how clouds form. But they know, that is what counts. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. -- Thomas Key=20 What if there were no hypothetical situations? --Andrew Kohlsmith=20 When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut. When professors want your opinion, they'll give it to you. Where there is a will, there is an Inheritance Tax. Why don't "minimalists" find a shorter name for themselves? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why take life seriously? You're not coming out of it alive anyway! Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it's said? Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything. You simply *must* stop taking other people's advice. You can fool some of the people some of the time, and that is = sufficient. You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You will learn a lot = today. Your lucky number is 364958674928. Watch for it everywhere. ---------- fixed by Perrin pleontks@hotmail.com http://members.tripod.com/~pleontks http://www.angelfire.com/az/69frank69 ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com