Epilogue 3/0 - SPACE ALIENS HIDE MY DRUGS!!! _____________________________________________ *** BIENFAIT NUTLY NEWS SPECIAL *** ********************** *** KILL THE CHILDREN !!! *** ********************** ...Oh, yeah...now I remember! TalkTV! It's a bastard-child of two forms of media--radio and television--whose parents could never truly enter into a real marriage because of slight differences in their techno-ethnic backgrounds. Nonetheless, CITV-Edmonton has a TalkTV program which is a televised radio call-in talk show.apparently designed to circumvent the potential danger of another 'War of the Worlds' fiasco resulting from the tendency of gullible Sheeple to believe everything they hear, and thus ending with them racing en-mass off the edge of a cliff because the current demand for the teaching of equality in the educational system does not allow the students to be taught that there is a difference between sheep and lemmings. [The New World Mathematical Order Equality Equations: 0 + 1 = 1 ; 1 + 2 = 1 ; 4 * 7 = 1 ; (38 -12) * (6 + 4) = 1 "Why can't we just all get a one?" ~ Rodney King, after being beaten by L.A. police for driving faster than 1 mph] These facts alone have little or no bearing on the point I am about to make, but, taken together with a giant leap of logic, they lead to the unmistakable conclusion that I am receiving secret messages from the Gods of Communication through TV, radio, email, InterNet browsers and the things pinned to the bulletin board at the local laundromat. The messages say, "KILL...KILL...KILL...KILL..." This fact in itself is not particularly troubling, nor even noteworthy, for that matter, since, as a TechnoInfoWarrior, I am free to slip into the Righteous Armour of the TruthMonger Multi-User InterNet Persona and use my massive hidden stocks of excess commas, overused capital letters and misplaced quote marks to wreak havoc upon the English language in a frenzy of random slaughter that will eventually lead to a total draining of the life-blood of meaning coursing throughout the veins of the ascii-output thrown upon the Screen of Reality (TM) which is no longer Silver, but any color that the end-user chooses it to be, with a click of a mouse-button. {I am once again losing my train of thought, here, but please bear with me, as I suspect that I will find it devilishly hiding on a side-track of the next few paragraphs.} The Jesus Futures Market--run by TOTO Enterprises in Bienfait, Saskatchewan, and backed by BlackTar Junk Bonds-- reflects the evolution of religious-faith technology into the Digital Salvation Age where Jesus becomes a true Multi-User Savior who can redeem the sins of anyone who has a credit-card number that can be used to receive a valid password from the SoulCheck Validation System that allows them access to a wide variety of Redemption sites capable of meeting their individual needs according to the nature of the Adult Sex sites they have been visiting (although the.individual Redemption WebSites reserve the right to add surcharges for the redemption of sins involving graphic reproductions of sex acts with life-forms or inanimate objects which are not covered by the Original Crucifixion). As well, the proliferation of WebSites reflecting the validity of a wide range of religious beliefs (i.e. - GodHatesFags.com, 'God's Canadian Biblical Hate Page', not to mention the ever popular http://www.balaams-ass.com/journal/balaam.htm) has led end-users to the realization that they are no longer limited to the 'official' bullshit being fed to them by government, corporate, religilous and social leaders, but can actually make their own bullshit official by slapping it into HTML format, uploading it to the InterNet, and making it as valid a part of Virtual Reality as the MSNBC news URLs singing the praises of a kindlier, gentler IRS. In fact, if you can convince some other lunatics to 'Link' to your WebSite, in return for providing 'links' to the bullshit and garbage that they have made manifest from what started out as a bad case of gas from eating too many refried beans, then you have a shot at the BigTime (TM), perhaps becoming part of some Ring of Worms that will throw total strangers randomly into your own professed belief system, even if you just made it up when you were drunk and have no idea what it all means when you, yourself, read your own WebSite, yourself, even when you are drunk again (like now). So, as you can plainly see, it is equally easy to get back on track to what may have been the original point I was trying to make, by throwing a crossing-switch in your mind which links the validity of all religious beliefs, regardless of their truth, in Reality (TM) (as long as they are an HTML formatted part of the New World DisOrder arising from an unregulated InterNet), with the equal validity of believing each and every wave, bit or byte of analogue or digital information capable of knocking on the Doors of Perception, as a Message from MadDogInPossessionOfTheLastFalseSmile exhorting The Perceiver to "KILL...KILL...KILL!!!" everything that moves, and some that don't, on the theory that, since THE LIE is the 'Mother of the 10,000 Lies', whereas The Truth (TM) is hard to come by, rabidly biting them all so that they will die a slow and agonizing death (unless they get the whole series of rabies shots in time) and letting Dog sort them out will be mathematically verifiable as being in the overall best interests of WeTheSheeple, in the long run, over the long haul, on average, for the most part, despite the pathetic whining of individual survivors of The RAGE (TM) (i.e. - Fred Goldman), who selfishly petition for individual justice at the expense of the current hit-and-miss justice system which averages out (in the long run, over the long haul, for the most part) instead of just moving to Russia, if they don't like it. In short, the entrance bar on the Turnstile of the Gate Heaven has been lowered by WeTheNetizens, so that pretty much anyone can jump over it if they are short on officially recognized righteousness tokens, as long as their beliefs and actions have been validated by a single hit on their "HOW MANY DEAD BODIES DOES IT TAKE TO SPELL, 'I *TOLD* YOU I WAS CRAZY'" WebSite. Thus it follows, that MeatSpace Authorities who choose to engage InfoWarriors in battle on the physical plane are ultimately responsible for any mayhem and destruction that may result from the transmission of Digital InformationWaves (which are fairly harmless in their natural optic fiber cable environment), over the Analogue MeatSpace Medium of a human brain which has a level of electric resistance that makes it a bad conductor, leading to the buildup of the heat of inner rage that can only be released by the gentle breeze provided by the heat-reduction attachment on a rapid-fire assault rifle being fired in a suitable environment, such as a Denny's Restaurant, a Post Office, or within 500' of a school. ******** Text Only Commercial Break [I regret that the added expense of bribing my oldest nephew to lend me his laptop in order to route around the damage caused by Decent People With Family Values (TM) has forced me to rent space in the 'SPACE ALIENS HIDE MY DRUGS!!!' manuscripts to A-Word-A-Day, who have kindly provided me with a steady supply of excess commas, overused capital letters and misplaced quote marks gleaned from the rough drafts of their work by consciencious editors who are hoping that the Author will 'choke' on them.] ******** CAN'T POSSIBLY BE TRUE * Robert Gettman Boone, 51, was arrested at his home in a Baltimore, Md., suburb in January and charged as the man who had been firing two-foot-long, homemade bombs from his front yard, across a busy thoroughfare, to a lot behind a car wash. According to police, Boone told them, "There's nothing to get excited about," that he was "just doing some experiments with high explosives." (Later, it took authorities almost eight hours to remove all the explosives that were in his home.) * In September, police at Los Angeles International Airport stopped Mark L. Kulp, 34, at a metal detector before his flight home to East Grand Forks, Minn. In his carry-on bags, Kulp had several guns, 100 rounds of ammunition, knives, handcuffs, a ski mask, and a fake sheriff's badge. The police confiscated the equipment and detained Kulp, and even learned that he was wanted on an arrest warrant in Minnesota for threatening a police officer. However, they decided they could not arrest him because the guns were not loaded, and when Minnesota authorities declined to send anyone to bring him back, Kulp was released. BOOKS BY CHUCK SHEPHERD: The Concrete Enema and Other News of the Weird Classics by Chuck Shepherd (Andrews and McMeel, 1996, $6.95) is still available in some larger bookstores. Or you can order by mail from Atomic Books, 1018 N. Charles St., Baltimore MD 21201 (add $2 postage for the first book, $3 for two to the same address, $4 for 3, and $5 for more than 3) (credit card orders 1-800-778-6246, http://www.atomicbooks.com). Or by credit card from Andrews and McMeel, 1-800-642-6480 (they bill $2 postage per book). Also by Chuck Shepherd and available at some larger bookstores (and at Atomic Books): News of the Weird (Plume Books, 1989, $9), More News of the Weird (Plume, 1990, $9), Beyond News of the Weird (Plume, 1991, $9), and America's Least Competent Criminals (HarperPerennial, 1993, $9). (The 1989, 1990, and 1991 books were co-authored with John J. Kohut and Roland Sweet.) Chuck Shepherd does not sell books, himself. ******** We Now Return You To Our Regularly Scheduled Chaos ******** Insertion of an advertisement for publications by Chuck Shepherd, perpetrator of the News Of The Weird, in a space bought and paid for by A-Word-A-Day's Anu(s), should be taken as proof of the veracity of my long-standing claims to be a drunken, senile old fart whose inability to control either his bladder, his mind or his mouth, makes him a natural-born TruthMonger (A Subsiduary Of Bubba Rom Dos Enterprises). Speaking of which... I need to take a leak and grab another beer, so this seems as good a place as any to end this portion of the Bienfait Nutly News "KILL THE CHILDREN!!!" Special. So..."Smoke 'em if you got 'em.", grab yourself a Brewski, and write you mom an email with no capital letters or punctuation marks (in order to help save the linguistic environment from the ravaging effects of the hole in the Bozo Layer of the Author's mind, leading to the creative juices of the muse dripping down to form a bizarre mixture with his procreative, gastric and intestinal juices, resulting in a conceptual cocktail containing chaotic corruptions of linguistic manipulations which have the capacity to suck the creative juices out of both the minds and the cocks of those currently under Grand Jury investigation by Special Persecutor, Dimitri Vulis KOTM, for CypherPunks Activities.