The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers [20] Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95. [19] Fetch command not available on all platforms. [18] Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. [17] Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit. [16] Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail." [15] Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating. [14] Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working. [13] Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee. [12] Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver. [11] Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging. [10] Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb. [09] Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome [08] 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand... [07] Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software. [06] SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test. [05] SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question! [04] Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever. [03] Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg. [02] Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms. and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers... [01] TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. | ,@ __|-. ,_~o/ \/ | Through the router, off the switch, |/ | down the cable, nothing but net. / > | ' ` | The @Home slam dunk | __________________|