~ COOKING THE NEWS-TURKEY'S GOOSE ~ ------------------------------- [CANADIAN NUTLY NEWS: Bienfait, Saskatchewan] VIN SUPRYNOWICZ, A HUMOR columnist known for his work for the Las Vegas Review-Journal and his syndicated column, THE LIBERTARIAN, distributed via Mountain Media Syndications, had his journalascist colleagues and fellow reportwhores rolling in the first-class aisles with a delightfully delicious Dec. 3rd roasting, titled "All the News that Goes Our Way." Suprynowicz, who managed to spell his unwieldy name right throughout most of the column, wrote: "...in real life, how well do reporters ignore their own prejudices and preconceptions, when the populace starts moving en masse in the opposite direction from what the newshound and his social circle expected, predicted, or would prefer?" ... "Readers and viewers of the nation's most influential newspapers and broadcasts could be forgiven if, this fall, they got the impression the upcoming vote on Washington state's Initiative 676 was likely to be pretty darned important." "Placed on the ballot by those wishing to restrict firearms ownership by potential victims (commonly called "gun control" advocates, though they never seem to call for any new "controls" on government snipers), the measure would have mandated a statewide civilian gun-licensing system, trigger locks on guns (always useful when a woman is fumbling in her purse while being grabbed by a would-be rapist), and expensive, mandatory government safety-training courses ... always useful in discouraging law-abiding racial minorities from legally carrying firearms." "Early polls showed the initiative leading, 60-to-30, with women favoring this new nest of red tape by an even more lopsided 80-20." Vinegarous Vinnie prepared the targets of his barbed wit by basting them in the juices of their own half-baked body of badly bloated blathering which trumpeted their proclaimation of the importance and significance of the upcoming gun-battle. "With those numbers in hand, The New York Times ran an account of the initiative on its front page Oct. 13, suggesting it would be a significant test of the strength of the nation's largest gun rights lobbying group, the National Rifle Association (NRA.)" "'For the gun lobby, there is no bigger battle in 1997,' wrote Timesman Timothy Egan." "Three days later, on Oct. 16, 'NBC Nightly News' anchorman Tom Brokaw covered the pending vote as a major watershed: 'Here in the state of Washington, the front lines have been drawn in the deadly battle over gun control. It started in the grass roots as anger exploded over the hundreds of children in this state killed or hurt by guns. It's now a full-blown political war.'" Suprynowicz, ever ready to expose the naked truth which his peers attempt to disguise by burying it in the glitteringly clothed trappings of authority, pomposity and hi-tech grandstanding, shoots holes (pardon the pun) in Broke-haw-haw's clever variation on, "if it saves the life of a single (DRUG-DEALING, OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE) child...", and stuffs the holes with facts, like: "As ever, the 'children' named in such statistics turn out to include 18-year-old drug dealers shooting each other in turf battles -- a fine point Mr. Brokaw apparently didn't have time to explain." Suprynowicz then turns up the heat by adding the word-logs of other mainstream news sources to the fire. "In such lopsided media coverage, 'all that was missing was a slick TV graphic showing the NRA's coffin nailed shut,' L. Brent Bozell III and Tim Graham of the Northern Virginia-based Media Research Center wrote on the editorial page of the Nov. 21 Wall Street Journal." "'But something went wrong on the way to the funeral.' On election day 'A walloping 71 percent of Washington voters rejected the measure,' Messrs. Bozell and Graham report." Vinnie the Vamp sucks the blood out of the mainstream media's rosy cheeks by pointing out how rapidly the vital juices flowed out of the previously proclaimed 'Mother of all Gun Law Battles' once the voters had poked it with their forks. "Suddenly, mysteriously, a story which editors and producers had been gearing up to banner as a death blow to the hated NRA, "became an afterthought on the networks the next day. ... ABC's morning and evening news shows gave the results only brief mention, simply stating that the measure failed. ... The New York Times put the blame on the NRA's cash advantage and the gun controllers' poor strategy -- and buried the story on page A28." The New York Times didn't go into any detail as to how the NRA had managed to gain a "cash advantage" over a group of well established opponents who had the financial support of the richest man in the world. Suprynowicz continues: "Where were the banner headlines, declaring 'Huge majority say "No more gun laws' in crucial test', Or 'Finally, Bill of Rights supporters win one for the Gipper'?" "There were none." Which rhymes with 'done'... Which brings us back to the 'news-turkeys'... "These so-called "news" outfits have some serious soul-searching to do when they can eagerly promote such a test vote as highly significant so long as it appears to be going their way, but suddenly -- days later -- shrug off the result as meaningless, when the voters' decision fails to match their own pro-government, anti-freedom agenda. Way to go, Vinnie. I'm sure that your mainstream pen-pals are chuckling all the way to the bank as they spend their Thanksgiving weekend gobbling up the rewards of providing the public with all the news that's shit to stink. Using their own words to expose the 'before and after' reality of the mainstream media's shallow lack of journalistic integrity brings new meaning to the words, "self-basting turkey." It's nice to know that there are still a few flesh-eaters left in the field of journalism who recognize the that cannibalism is just as anarchistically proper as cross-species carnivorism. (And that the flesh of the Nutless News mainstream media tastes good to readers who are tired of being fed the same old spoon-fed crap.) --------- -------- Vin Suprynowicz is the assistant editorial page editor of the Las Vegas Review-Journal. Readers may contact him via e-mail at vin@lvrj.com. The column is syndicated in the United States and Canada via Mountain Media Syndications, P.O. Box 4422, Las Vegas Nev. 89127. *** Vin Suprynowicz, vin@lvrj.com "If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquility of servitude greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home from us in peace. We seek not your counsel, nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you. May your chains set lightly upon you; and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen." -- Samuel Adams