Sunnyvale, CA. Nubility, Inc. is pleased to announce the availability of "LolitaWatch," a filter program for the Web and Net which alerts users about the presence of nubile, young teens (and even younger!). LolitaWatch operates by checking the federally-mandated "age bit." No longer will you be frustrated in trying to contact that 12-year-old girl, only to eventually learn she's a 44-year-old male playing mind games. The President of Nubility, Pete Ofeil, said "Hey, the government says that they have to wear a sign announcing their age...all we're doing is offering a service to our customers." (There is still the problem that the girl may be a boy, or vice versa, depending on your preferences, but this is likely to be solved as the "Fairness to Women and Other People of Color Protection Act," which mandates that a "gender bit" be set.) "LolitaWatch allows me to cut quickly to the chase, screening out the hags," says Roy G. Biv, appreciator of young girls. "I've even rigged up my copy of LolitaWatch to automatically alert me when one of these nubile young things enters an IRC chat room!," he added with a sly grin. LolitaWatch is available immediately for Windows and Macintosh. No Unix version is planned because Unix users are, well, unix.