hee, hee, I hope that Declan comes up with an amusing mishmash of your own life. turnabout is fair play. maybe if he doesn't, someone else can take a stab at satirizing mr. debauched millionaire playboy who dabbles in cryptography theory.
An interview with cypherpunks founder Timothy C May, Jim Bell and various other Cypherpunks also present. Interview conducted by Declan McCullagh Declan: Tim, can you tell us how you first became interested in the use of cryptography to preserve freedoms supposedly guaranteed by the constitution. Tim: Well, I had just quit working at Intel, where I made more money than all of you put together, when I really started to get interested in cryptography, At the first physical meeting, when John, Eric and I had just founded the cypherpunks, we discussed anonymity, digital cash and compared rifle collections. Jim: Something wonderful is about to happen. Tim: No it isn`t, I thought of anonymous digital assasination contracts first, now everyone calls it AP, and you get all the publicity (Tim reaches for his .45). Declan: Calm down, I`m sure it isn`t that simple. Tim: Yes it is, lets nuke D.C. Dimitri: Tim May blows small children, and is an anti semetic bigot. Graham-John Bullers: I think we should all send Vulis back 10 copies of this Truthmonger: Nuke Ottowa too. Kent Crispin: Nuking anywhere is just an adolescent fantasy Vladimir Z Nuri: I agree Tim May: No it isn`t, go away Kent. Paul Bradley: Yes indeed, nuke London as well. Ray Arachelian: There should be a law against this, surely it`s an infringement of privacy! Dimitri: Ray Arachelian is a dandruff covered censorous purebred sovok forger. Se7en: Lets hack their servers and erase all the kiddie porn. Truthmonger: I propose 3 minutes of silence for Tim McVeigh Dimitri: Ah, so you are trying to censor us then, Truthmonger is really Chris Lewis, who is also really Richard Depew. ObTruthMongerFodder: Tim McVeigh is a murderous cocksucker Hallam-Baker: AP is a murder and censorship scheme. Tim May: I thought of this and wrote an essay on it back in `78 when most of you were still in high school, I probably posted it once, trawl the archives and you shall be enligtened. Jerry K U-Ramos: Break this, because we are so confident in the strenth of our cipher we are giving you a week to cryptanalyse it, if you can`t, it must be unbreakable. Tim May: This offer of a prize for cryptanaysis is highly suspect, I am now placing rifles in strategic positions, lock and load. I remember a similar offer back in `64, before most of you were born, (mumble, mumble, mumble)... Toto: I`m sure the NSA have something to do with it, or is that the CIA, the FBI, the DEA ??? I don`t remember, but it`s some scary TLA composed entirely of men in long black coats. Kent Crispin: Lets be realistic about it, you are all obsessed with assasination. Vladimir Z Nuri: I agree (In a post only 3 seconds later than Kents original one, I wonder how that could happen? ;-)) Declan: None of you understand, I have to attend dinner parties, like the one with Steve and Bill the other night, to get information for my articles. Tim May: I thought of this back in `84 too, I concluded that people should read what I say more carefully, and you *might* sell out in future. Jim Bell: Something wonderful is about to happen Tim May: Jim, you are killfiled for being a loon. Declan: Right, I`m sorry but we appear to have run out of time, we`ll have to go home. Dimitri: So you are trying to censor us then. Declan McCullagh is a cocksucker Tim starts packing the several dozen rifles he brought with him back into boxes. Everyone gets in their cars to go home, except Tim May who brought his tank with him. THE END