UNSUVSCRIVE Broken - Film last week

17 Dec 2003

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I have found the crack to the, until now, unbreakable and frustrating 
unsuvscrive algorithm on another list.

This is what you need to do.  Please read these instructions carefully
before beginning.

tools needed: one Hammer, one screwdriver, one pair of pliers, one
heavy-duty pair of wire cutters, one bucket of saline water, a box of
sani-wipes.

Step #1:        Stop payment on any checks that you may have sent to 
your Internet Service Provider (GOD).

Step #2: If GOD is unresponsive and you are still receiving mail from 
this list, you will need to find the "mailhost".  This is a machine 
usually located in a locked office.  Every day around noon, the mailman 
will deliver a box of diskettes with that day's mail messages, 
including yours from this list, to this machine.  Typically, only a 
handful of people have keys to the "mailhost".  The reason why this 
machine is locked up is because this is typically the best, fastest, 
most powerful computer at your facility and the people with keys don't 
want to share it.  If you must, break or pry the door down with one (1) 
hammer (you did get all the tools needed?).

Step #3: find the ON/OFF switch for this machine.  Using the pliers, 
set the switch to the OFF position by tugging downwards until the 
disposable plastic switch breaks away from the computer casing.  
Discard the disposable plastic switch in an environmental-friendly 
manner.  This will alert the mailman to not deliver the diskettes with 
the messages to the "mailhost" not unlike the little red flag found on 
mailboxes.  This should resolve your mail problem immediately.

Step #4:        You may experience a recurrence of mail within 72 
hours.  If this should happen, you will need to disable the "mailhost" 
once again with more forceful measures.  Repeat Step #2.  Don't be 
surprised if there is a sturdier door in place than the one you 
destroyed previously.  This is due to the fact that the "Have Key" 
clique found out that someone has seen their private stash of computer 
equipment.

Step #5:        After you have once again regained entry into the
"mailhost" room, open up the back of the "mailhost".  There may be a
large tv-like device on top of the "mailhost"  You will need to remove
this first.  Take your wire cutters, and cut any cables binding the
tv-like device to the "mailhost".  Set the tv-like device to the side.
With your screwdriver, remove each and every screw that you can find on
the "mailhost".  Once this is done, the "mailhost" should break away 
into two or more pieces.

Step #5: Find a large box with a fan attached to it.  It will be 
clearly marked with the following labels: "Danger" "High Voltage" "Do 
not open - no user-servicable parts".  Don't worry, these labels are 
merely in place to satisfy OSHA requirements and you are not in any 
danger at all.  Take the bucket of saline water and pour it into any 
vents or ports that the large box may have.  Any extra water should be 
poured directly into the computer chassis, be sure to properly soak 
each and every component.

Step #6:        In the event of fire (OSHA has been known to be right 
on occasion), douse any flames with the sani-wipes.

This solution is provided without warranty.  It is not biodegradable 
or fat-free.  In the event of sudden death, contact a physician 
immediately.

UNSUVSCRIVE Broken - Film last week

Lou Zirko