Instructions
for Microsoft's New TV Dinner Product:
You must first remove the
plastic cover. By doing so you agree to
accept and honor Microsoft
rights to all TV dinners. You may not
give anyone else a bite of your
dinner (which would constitute an
infringement of Microsoft's rights).
You may, however, let others
smell and look at your dinner and are
encouraged to tell them how
good it is.
If you have a PC
microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.
Set the oven using
these
keystrokes:
mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat
Then enter:
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
If you have a
Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and
press start. The oven
will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix microwave
oven, insert the dinner, enter the
ingredients of the dinner found on
the package label, the weight
of the dinner, and the desired level of
cooking and press start.
The oven will calculate the time and heat and
cook the dinner
exactly to your specification.
Be
forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case
your oven
must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove
the dinner from
the oven and
enter:
ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap
This process may have to
be repeated. Try unplugging the
microwave and then doing a cold reboot.
If this doesn't work,
contact your oven vendor. The oven itself is
obviously on the blink.
Many users have reported that the dinner
tray is far too big, larger
than the dinner itself, having many useless
compartments, most of
which are empty. These are for future menu items.
If the tray is too
large to fit in your oven, you will need to upgrade
your equipment.
Dinners are only available from registered outlets,
and only the
chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another
variety,
call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really
don't want
another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.
Microsoft
has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of
their
chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger
family
size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must
be
saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.
Microsoft
promises a dessert with every dinner after '98.
However, that version
has yet to be released. Users have
permission to get thrilled in
advance.
Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners
in the
freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a
feature, not
a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted
anyway.