Every time one of these AOL wars start, the AOLers claim that there are a few intelligent people on AOL and that our shunning of them based on statistics is unjustified. We all know what the statistics are, but I don't think anybody has done this for Cypherpunks yet. It has been done other places. This isn't scientific with margins of error and everything, but it's good enough to illustrate the point. I went through every posting originating from AOL which was sent to Cypherpunks between July and September 16th, which is today. I classified postings as either "clueful" or "clueless," with the latter determined by relevance to the list, literacy, quoting, and whether it makes any sense at all. Anything completely stupid is also classed as "clueless." "Clueful" is anything which is even remotely relevant to the list, and includes quoted material if a followup. In addition, if an AOL user sends something clueless to the list then gets flamed, that posting and any subsequent postings in that thread by the original author are counted as clueless unless it's an apology, at which point it isn't counted at all. The flames of said user are counted as defense, not as clueless. Also, if I looked at the message but couldn't tell what the hell the author was talking about because he didn't bother to quote, I classed the posting as clueless. A "*" denotes that the portion I quote is the entire message. A "+" denotes that there was either no quoted material in the message or that it used the "<<>>" style. Keep in mind that messages which are original would not have quoted material, but still have a "+". A "H" means that it contained HTML. I removed all new lines from the quotes to make them more compact. If the posting was large, I quoted only some parts. Clueless posts from AOL: 1) "At least they have TCP/IP protocols now with Win 95 ex: Hiroshima 45, Tsjernobyl 86, Windows 95 (Please, correct my spelling if I misspelled Tsjernobyl)" -- FTPPork@aol.com (Porker), 18 Aug 1998, (+) 2) "Ibelive by spooks he ment goverment agents not a racial slur so lay off." -- ILovToHack@aol.com, 31 Aug 1998, (+*) 3) "judy -- how about let's go shopping first and then watch the show remotely together????" -- Syniker@aol.com, 16 Jul 1998, (+) 4) "please i need some suggestions with topics for my informative speech, or may some infromative speeches already outlined to use it for refrence. thankyou." -- KMHAsfaha@aol.com, 17 Jul 1998, (*+) 5) "d" -- Saxgrim@aol.com, 18 Jul 1998, (*+) 6) "send me the book (e/mail me back" -- JackeI466@aol.com, 19 Jul 1998, (+*) 7) "Hello: My name is Enisa, I'm 13 years old. I write an online e-zine that for teens. We have over 150+ members. We just started a few days ago. We are looking for sponsors to sponsor our contests. These are some of the things we are able to do for you..." -- Craz8Grl@aol.com, 20 Jul 1998, (+H) 8) "you got it?" -- LrdWill@aol.com, 20 Jul 1998, (+*) 9) "would love to see info re; international credit cards." -- TTrump5646@aol.com, 21 Jul 1998, (+*) 10) "i would be very delighted if u gave me a free download for 5.0 realplayer.if u would send it to mike111495@aol.com and indoe29c@aol.com we will be very honored to receive them. thankx and goodbye" -- Mike111495@aol.com, 22 Jul 1998, (+*) 11) [A bunch of asterisks and screaming] "I was recently informed from sorces who choose to remain annomous about a viri that uses macafe's update tool to detect when it is found then it modifys its code and forms a new strain of the virus this pattern continues although it has only been tested through a clone of macafees server to 100 mutations it looks like it could be a big problem I will inform you of any more information i learn about it but for now "THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE"" -- ILovToHack@aol.com, 22 Jul 1998, (+*) 12) "WHY CANT I FIND ANY WHITE AMERICAN YOUTH ALBUMS ANYWHERE?" -- koitch@aol.com, 23 Jul 1998, (+*) 13) [Subject: Pipe bombs r better] "they rule!" -- Ant6menace@aol.com, 23 Jul 1998, (+*) 14) "Actually, AOL, along with being an acceptable ISP with built in authentication of sender, has an easily used Mail interface. (Even if it doesn't exactly follow the standards.)" -- MMerlynne@aol.com, 24 Jul 1998, (+*), in response to #12. 15) "HELLO, IS THERE ANY WAY TO GET MY HANDS ON S BOOK THAT SHOWS THE REAL BASEBALL PEOPLE AUTOGRAPHS AND THE FAKES SO I KNOW WHAT TO LOOK FOR??? PLEASE REPLY" -- AT666IND@aol.com, 25 Jul 1998, (+*) 16) "I am trying to find my brother, "Allen Thomas Taylor" I am not sure what year he was born but I think it was l922, l923. We have the same Father[...]" -- CEr1942929@aol.com (Christine Ernest), 26 Jul 1998, (+) 17) "Hey: Who made up the term "Politically Correct"? Not Christians and not Republicans. Your side did. How does wanting a smaller government, less taxes, the freedom to CHOOSE to pray in schools, the rights of the un-born( of[...] CHOKE ON IT YOU HYPOCRITE" -- JBrown4330@aol.com, 27 Jul 1998, (+) 18) "do you have music vinyl stickers , if so , could i get them wholesale?" -- Babybee390@aol.com, 29 Jul 1998, (+*) 19) "I'm looking for Lynrd Skynrds Freebird on a window sticker for my car. Do you know where I can find one?" -- Vox9869@aol.com, 28 Jul 1998, (+*) 20) "More!" -- CLCTCHR@aol.com, 29 Jul 1998, (+*) 21) "Can you do a 5 color process? 4x4". Price on 500,1000,1500" -- ELarson100@aol.com, 4 Aug 1998, (+*) 22) [Subject: whut up] "looking for a place to have some Band stickers made, can you email me a phone number so we can check out some prices.....thanks TIm" -- FRETELUCO@aol.com, 6 Aug 1998, (+*) 23) "Could you please send me the Anarchy Cookbook.....I really want it and I cant find it anywhere! Thanx for your help.. Mike Jonhson" -- XoVoX123@aol.com, 9 Aug 1998, (+*) 24) [Subject: .] "" (Yes, nothing.) -- EpicTeU@aol.com, 9 Aug 1998, (+*) 25) "Come on thake it easy on the guy at least he aint on AOL or somthing stuped." -- ILovToHack@aol.com, 13 Aug 1998, () 26) [Subject: Subject: LOL. Made me look] "" (Yes, nothing.) -- Seabiner@aol.com, 14 Aug 1998, (+*) 27) "about: Hello, I am trying to start a VB 32 bit code bank you can send any code you want to exept codes for aol addons... . 1nce a week most likely on fridays I will check the hotmail account specifyed below and I will take all the codes and put them in a txt file and send it to everyone who sent a code in since I am [...] To send Codes for the ML Send E-mail to VB32Coders@Hotmail.com In the sbject field write anonymous / Code topic if you don't want your E-Mail address to show up when I send the Codes out or else just type the topic of the code you are sending.. ." -- EpicTeU@aol.com, 14 Aug 1998, (+) 28) "Because the American Justice system is screwed up royally... for instance - Kevin Mitnick... www.KevinMitnick.com" -- FTPPork@aol.com, 17 Aug 1998, (+*) 29) "I am interested in travel between Knoxville, Tennessee and Des Moines, Iowa. I would also be interested in Nashville, Tennessee and Des Moines, Iowa or Atlanta and Des Moines, Iowa. Please notify me of specials in these markets. Thanks, Linda Tisue ltisue@aol.com" -- Ltisue@aol.com, 18 Aug 1998, (+*) 30) "I am looking to distribute a product and I was wondering if you can tell me how to get mass e mail addresses. I look forward to hearing from you." -- LHilley488@aol.com, 19 Aug 1998, (+*) 31) "Send me info on how to make a pipe bomb. HoppyF1315" -- HOPPYF1215@aol.com (Hoppy Head), 19 Aug 1998, (+*) 32) "I take that statement as an insult, and it really isn't true about all of us AOL users. [...] Actually, some of us know what real hacking is...[...] Anyway, try not to stereotype people so much, because, with the Advent of 32 bit AOL, we can actually use all of the TCP/IP protocols, etc..." -- FTPPork@aol.com, 20 Aug 1998, (+) 33) [Subject: anarchy cookbook] "Is any one home?" -- Spazherp@aol.com, 21 Aug 1998, (+*) 34) "I did not say anywhere that 32 bit would fix problems of cluelessness - or ignorance in your case. I said, it is a little better because we can now use TCP/IP protocols. Did I ever say that the people on AOL were smarter because of it? Well, let's go read over that post - - - nope... I didn't. I think some people should read a little more carefully, or just don't read at all." -- FTPPork@aol.com, 22 Aug 1998, (+*) (As I recall, this one was in response to a set of flames which cited his assertion in #32.) 35) [Subject: can you help me make virses please tell me who to make one step by step] "I need help i want to know how to make a virses in c\c++ please help me." -- VXF32@aol.com, 21 Aug 1998, (+*) 36) "Tell me how to get tons of free stuff! Thank You ." -- RAGOD5597@aol.com, 21 Aug 1998, (+*) 37) "Here we go again" -- FTPPork@aol.com, 22 Aug 1998, (+*) 38) [Subject: tell me] "hola and good tidings send some info on spooks please i will be grateful" -- RyanFord@aol.com, 29 Aug 1998, (+*) 39) [Subject: h] "how did u do it" -- CRBREW9802@aol.com, 7 Sep 1998, (+*) 40) " HaCkaZ OnlY Da EliTeHelLO YaLL DiS is Da MaDD AAOOLL HaCka Ima startin a GreWp fOR HaCs Only So In OthA WerDS yA gOttA KnOw The WAreZ anD HoW toO UsEr FaTe AnD AOL So MaIl Or Im Me FoR Da TeTaIls If YeR LeeTo K Pe@CE FrOmE The LeeTs HacKJeFFrO)" -- Jrjeffro@aol.com, 9 Sep 1998, (+*) 41) Message quoting the above, which wasn't originally sent to the list, in "<< >>" style, adding only: "What the hell is this? No wonder why AOLers have a bad name Im going to Flame this guy" -- EpicTeU@aol.com, 10 Sep 1998, (+*) 42) "Preach on brother =)" -- AIMSX@aol.com, 15 Sep 1998, (+*), copied to 25 other recipients, plus the list. 43) "I read that book" -- AIMSX@aol.com, 15 Sep 1998, (+*) 44) "All Creatures Great and Small - that one... =) I also read an Aasimov a while back in fifth grade - unfortunately, I can't remember even the name... I need to pick some of his books up again... One book I can remember reading since 5th grade (and every summer thereafter) is "IT" by Stephen King - one of his few really good books. I have read it 8 times since. I greatly recommend it =)" -- AIMSX@aol.com, 15 Sep 1998, (+*) 45) "We are sending you an invitation to be one of our special guests this year, big harry ass lawsuits are always of interest. Bring a friend if you like, but I have to warn you, Liberatarians are not welcome. This years menu includes red meat and poptarts. Clothing is optional. Sincerely, Beth" -- BUFFU@aol.com, 17 Jul 1998, (+*) 46) "That's why I suggest listening to I Robot by Alan Parson's Project." -- StanSqncrs@aol.com, 18 Jul 1998, (+*) 47) "If sombody offers you some FedGov, just say NO!" -- Nilsphone@aol.com, 23 Jul 1998, (), copied to 32 recipients, including the list. Note the "+" ratings on the below. (Semi-)Clueful postings from AOL: 1) "It's the easy way out (and I mean DOWN and OUT)! I mean, if we're simply going to change them out everytime, why bother to figure out which ones a going to change them out everytime, why bother to figure out which ones aren't evil/stupid (I mean, out of all those politicians, there's got to be 1 or 2! I think. ;-) )? See, if we just simply change politicians at every chance, then we throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. The simple solutions aren't always the best ones." -- StanSqncrs@aol.com, 17 Jul 1998, (+*) 2) "ROFLOL! What's coincidental? The latest tune that my band, Nobody's Business (in which I play bass and sing) has learned, is Cheap Sunglasses by ZZ Top. If it ain't coinicidence, I got a 'scarecrow' in my band. " -- StanSqncrs@aol.com, 18 Jul 1998, (+) 3) [Subject: Subject: Nomination of Lyndon Larouche to the UNITED NATIONS OF THE FRINGE] "Hey Punks, As a United Nations OF the Cyber Fringe Member, I am asking for your input on giving Lyndon a nomination. So far his war crimes only include[...]" -- BUFFU@aol.com, 20 Jul 1998, (+) 4) "If you would like information about tempest monitors, computers, printers or secure fax machines, please contact me." -- CompSec01@aol.com (Karen Azoff), 22 Jul 1998, (+) I gave up at this point because the clueless list just kept growing. The ratio isn't encouraging, especially since I was being generous with what is considered a "clueful post."