Dear Mr. Morris, Thank you for submitting your unsolicited resume for our consideration. Our company, Algebra Consulting Services International, does not need people with only Windows experience. We think that exposure to Windows tends to prevent people from properly developing their brains, and see it as a minus rather than a plus. The personnel of Algebra Consulting is known for their in-depth experience with Unix programming and Object-Oriented systems design in languages like C++, Eiffel and Perl, and has enjoyed substantial revenue growth in the last decade. I wish you luck in your endeavours and hope that you can find a Windows job elsewhere. Best regards, - Igor Chudov, Personnel Director, Algebra Consulting Services Inc. Noxemail@aol.com wrote:
Dear Madam or Sir,
I am currently seeking employment with your company and am available immediately. I have provided my resume, so that you have the opportunity to critique my skills. If interested, or you know someone who might be, duplicates of this resume in complete fax form are available by calling 602-224-0506 or 602-508-8323. In either case, enter extension #334. You will have the option of recieving a complete fax of my resume on that call whatever your location, or entering the telephone number to a fax machine of your choice if calling from area code 602.
Andre Morris
3 years intense experience:
Expert Knowledge of MS Access (Database), Word (Word Processing), Excel (Spreadsheet). Visual Basic and Word Basic programming for custom modules and procedures in all Office 95 Professional applications.
Typing 50+ WPM, Data Processing, Proofreading.
Desktop Publishing. Strong skills in Corel Draw and Quark Express. Image editing, manipulation, filtration, graphic design. Experience with art layout, design, and production of fliers, newsletters, newspapers, brochures, manuals, and reports.
Strong Skills in document imaging, scanning, and image storage. Familiar with Postscript printing systems and methods. Optical Character Recognition (OCR) via Text Bridge Pro.
Knowledge of PC hardware, and software. Specialize in PC equipment purchasing and system design. Extremely skilled under Windows 95, MS-DOS.
Knowledge of Internet web page design, site registration, web based marketing, HTML publishing.
File Management, CD-ROM Storage Solutions, Record Keeping, Database Management.
2 years intense experience:
A self starter, and self motivated. Excellent presentation, project management, analytical and people skills. Excellent time management and multi-tasking skills. Able to meet deadlines, hard working, detail oriented, organized.
Gathering of research and information through all available sources including FTP, Internet, Usenet, All Local Libraries, Telephone, US Mail, Facsimile, interviews, conventions, and more. Converting information into comprehensive reports, policy, and operating procedures.
Automated telephone answering system design through Voice FX, including fax on demand, voice mailboxes, marketing and promotional messages, fax broadcasting.
Legal Research including A.R.S. and U.S.C., Case Law Research, and Pre Court Legal Case Compilation.
Drafting of correspondence, letters, monthly reports, system administration and management Reports, departmental reporting, discipline and performance reviews, and in house communications.
Project Design, Scheduling, Purchasing.
2 years advanced study:
Marketing: Creative Writing, Journalism, Direct Mail, Media Relations, display ad creation, classifieds and free ad marketing.
General Accounting: Payroll, Trust and Estate Planning, Budgeting, General Ledger, invoice and payment processing, state and federal tax.
Incorporation: Local and Federal Trademark and Tradename filings, logo development, Patent research and application, Copyright application.
Overseas Relations: Expert into the culture and business practices of the United Kingdom. Import/Export, shipping regulations and customs duty, establishing a sales base and corporate foothold in the UK, in depth knowledge into marketing and purchasing habits of UK residents, contacts and connections in UK business areas.
Charity: Knowledge of Charitable Foundations, 501( C )3 corporations, and Private foundations. Ability to work with and manipulate IRS regulations concerning charities, registrations of charities and charitable activities within the state of Arizona. In depth knowledge of local charitable activities, and a complete overview of the entire Arizona public services and state benefits systems. Including A.H.C.C.C.S., Welfare, Food Stamps and Child Assistance, Unemployment Insurace, Subsidized Housing, WIC, and Families with Dependent Children.
Other Misc. Experience and Abilities: Personal Physical Fitness Training, Print and Television Modeling, Personal Grooming, Photography, Martial Arts.
Professional Character
The compilation and study of famous jokes and quotations.
Study and appreciation of fine art, including paintings, cathedrals, and stone statues.
Interest in the works of Mozart, Vivaldi, Beethoven, Bach.
Demanding quality in every aspect of personal life, and professional career.
Experiences to Note
I have recently returned from London, England. The cultural, artistic, reasoning, logical, and analytical skills that I have learned from this are immeasurable. Having socialized and developed friendships with individuals from around the world including Italy, South Africa, Spain, Canada, USA, Sweden, Switzerland, Turkey, Ireland, and more has given me a tremendous insight into global business operations and methods. Having worked closely as a top level manager for a UK Charity, and also as a foreman on construction for the Australian Embassy in the UK, I have observed many unique and insightful ideas which I now intend to share.
For two years I have worked closely with a business partner to establish a small business. In doing so, I have learned the value of hard work. I have proven my ability to work 12 to 16 hours every day, for months. I have learned, in detail, exact laws, regulation, and policy of business operations in over five industries. I have gained magnificent insight into the needs of a corporation, and what that corporation must expect from its employees. Although there are thousands more considerations I can list as to the benefits of this training, I will simply close with a quotation:
Ability is nothing without opportunity - Napoleon.
Telephone/Fax:602-508-8323 x.667 - Telephone/Fax:602-224-0506 x.667 Additional Resume Fax Copies: Extension #334
NOTE: This message has been sent to you anonymously. If you wish to reply to this resume with an offer of employment, please do so via the contact information provided on the resume itself.
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- Igor.