-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Something a certain someone recently wrote somehow reminds me... I saw an interesting piece on findtutorials.com on narcissists and how to spot them, and thought you might be interested. I'm sure you'll recognize at least a few people you know who dwell in this unique and fascinating personality-disorder shadowland... Unlike a lot of other writings on the subject, this author differentiates a subcategory, "cerebral narcissists" (i,e. those who derive their narcissistic supply from their intelligence or academic achievements). Ooh, exciting! heh. The last two paragraphs of the first excerpt are particularly interesting. Oh well, here you go: ~F. How to recognize a Narcissist before it is "too late" ...We are evidently looking for the more subtle, almost subliminal, signals that a Narcissist emits. The psychotherapist would be looking for the "presenting symptoms". One should look for the following: "Haughty" Body Language--A physical posture implying and exuding an air of superiority, seniority, hidden powers, mysteriousness, amused indifference etc. Rarely will the Narcissist engage in eye contact and normally he will refrain from bodily contact, physical proximity, or engaging in a discussion unless from a state of condescension, faked "magnanimity and largesse". He will rarely mingle socially and will prefer to adopt the stance of the "observer" or the "lone wolf". Entitlement Marks--The Narcissist will immediately ask for "special treatment" of some kind. Not to wait for his turn, to have a longer or a shorter therapeutic session, to talk directly to authority figures (and not to their assistants or secretaries), to have special payment terms, custom tailored arrangements, and so on. He will react with rage and indignantly if denied his wishes. Idealization or Devaluation--The Narcissist will instantly idealize or devalue the person opposite him, depending on his appraisal of the potential this person has as a Narcissistic supply source. He will IMMEDIATELY flatter, adore, admire and applaud that person in an embarrassingly exaggerated and profuse manner-- or sulk, abuse and humiliate. In the second case (devaluation) he might force himself to be polite (because of the presence of a potential supply source). But this will be a barbed sort of politeness, which will rapidly deteriorate and degenerate into verbal or other violent displays of abuse, rage attacks, or cold detachment, totally out of the control of the Narcissist. The "Membership" Posture-- The Narcissist will always try to "belong". Yet, at the very same time, he will maintain his stance as an outsider. The Narcissist will seek to be admired for his ability to integrate and ingratiate himself without the efforts commensurate with such an undertaking. For instance: if he talks to a psychologist, the Narcissist will make clear that he never studied psychology and then proceed to use the most obscure professional jargon, in an effort to prove that he mastered the discipline (i.e., that he is exceptionally intelligent or introspective). In general, the Narcissist will always prefer show-off to substance. One of the most effective methods of exposing a Narcissist is by trying to go deeper and discuss substantial matters. The Narcissist is shallow, a pond pretending to be an ocean. He likes to think of himself as a Renaissance man, a Jack of all knowledge. A Narcissist will never admit to ignorance IN ANY FIELD! Bragging and False Autobiography The Narcissist will brag. His speech will be peppered with "I", "my", "myself", "mine" and other appropriating linguistic structures. He will describe himself as intelligent, or rich, or modest, or intuitive, or creative--but always excessively and extraordinarily so. One is almost tempted to say, inhumanly so. His biography will sound implausibly rich and complex. His achievements-- incommensurate with his age, education, or recognition. His actual state will always appear evidently and demonstrably incompatible with his claims. Very often, the Narcissist will lie or fantasize in a manner very easy to discern. Emotion-free Language--The Narcissist likes to talk about himself and only about himself. He will be disinterested in what others have to tell him about themselves. He might pretend to be interested--but this is only with a potential source of supply and in order to obtain said supply. He will act bored, disdainful, even angry, if he feels intrusion and abuse of his precious time. In general, the Narcissist is a very impatient person, easily bored, with strong attention deficits unless and until he is the topic of discussion. One can discuss all the aspects of the intimate life of a Narcissist, providing the discourse is not "emotionally tinted". If asked to relate directly to his emotions, he will, probably, intellectualize, rationalize, speak about himself in the third body and in a detached "scientific" tone or write a short story with a fictitious character in it, suspiciously autobiographical. Seriousness and Sense of Intrusion and Coercion--The Narcissist is dead serious about himself. He can possess a fabulous sense of humor, scathing and cynical. But he will never appreciate the direction of this weapon at himself. The Narcissist regards himself as being on a constant mission, whose importance is cosmic and whose consequences are global. If a scientist--he is always in the throes of revolutionizing science. If a journalist-- he is in the middle of the greatest story ever. This self-misperception is not amenable to lightheadedness or self-deprecation. The Narcissist is easily hurt and insulted (Narcissist Hurt or Narcissistic Injury). Even the most innocuous remarks or acts will be interpreted by him as belittling, intruding or coercive. His time his more valuable than others"--therefore, it cannot be wasted on unimportant matters such as social intercourse. Any suggestion to help, any advice or concerned inquiry will be immediately interpreted as coercion. Any attempt to set an agenda--as an intimidating act of enslavement. In this sense, the Narcissist is both schizoid and paranoid. These--the lack of empathy, the aloofness, the disdain and sense of entitlement, the restricted application of his sense of humor, the unequal treatment and paranoia--make the Narcissist a social misfit. The Narcissist is able to provoke in his social milieu, in his casual acquaintances, even in his psychotherapist, the strongest, most avid and furious hatred and revulsion. He provokes violence, often not knowing why. He is perceived to be asocial at best (often antisocial). This, perhaps, is the strongest presenting symptom. One feels ill at ease in the presence of a Narcissist and rarely knows why. No matter how charming, intelligent, thought provoking, outgoing, easy going and social the Narcissist is he will forever fail to secure the sympathy of his fellow humans, a sympathy he is never ready, willing, or able to grant them in the first place. ***
From Chapter 17, Advanced, answering "how do narcissists react to criticism?"
The narcissist relates to his human environment through his unresolved conflicts. It is the energy of the tension thus created that sustains him. He is a person driven by the imminent danger of eruption, by the unsettling prospect of losing the precarious balance that you mention. It is a tightrope act. The narcissist must remain alert and on-edge. Only if the conflict is fresh in his mind can he attain such levels of mental arousal. Periodically interacting with the objects of his conflicts, sustains the inner turmoil, keeps the narcissist on his toes, endows him with the feeling that he is alive. Thus, the narcissist perceives every disagreement--let alone criticism--as nothing short of a THREAT. He reacts defensively. He becomes indignant, aggressive and cold. He detaches emotionally for fear of yet another (narcissistic) injury. He devalues the person who made the disparaging remark. By holding the critic in contempt, by diminishing the stature of the discordant conversant--he minimizes the impact on himself of the disagreement or criticism. Like a trapped animal, the narcissist is forever on the lookout: was this remark meant to demean him? was this sentence a deliberate attack? Gradually, his mind turns into a chaotic battlefield of paranoia and ideas of reference until he loses touch with reality as we know it and retreats to his own world of fantasized grandiosity. When the disagreement or criticism or disapproval or approbation are PUBLIC, though--the narcissist would tend to regard them as Narcissistic Supply! Only when they are expressed in private, with no audience in sight--does the narcissist rage against them. The cerebral narcissist is competitive and intolerant of criticism or disagreement. To him, subjugation and subordination entail the establishment of his undisputed intellectual superiority or professional authority over others. Lowen has an excellent exposition of this "hidden or tacit competition". The cerebral narcissist aspires to perfection. Thus, even the slightest and most inconsequential challenge to his authority will be inflated by him to cosmic proportions. Hence, the disproportionateness of his reactions. For more, see the following tutorials: Pathological Narcissism: Beginners, Intermediate, Advanced http://www.findtutorials.com/DirCatLook.Asp?ID=251 -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: Hush 2.0 wl8EARECAB8FAjvHU2sYHGF1dG8zMDEwOTRAaHVzaG1haWwuY29tAAoJEKadvsVlUK4P whcAn1qgEQd4KP6h/h5DwdDPCveWE/+WAJwKbln8Oamrb/+eW2Txtr5/wUNLEg== =dy4q -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----