[spam][crazy][fiction][random] Non-Canon MCBoss Spinoffs

[Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many]

meditation on executive functioning?

this is a todo list template:
TODO
- [ ] lorem ipsum dolor sit amet

if you have serious dissociative issues with executive functioning from
fighting a persecutory alter for years that identifies by the name “mind
control”,(like me?),
then you may encounter serious issues when trying to write anything at all,
let alone plans that assume you are free to pick your own behaviors.

For me, it maybe keys onto a handful of different kinds of things i think
in response to e.g. adding items to a todo list. Some of it depends on
being a todo list, some of it depends on being or appearing a plan to
accomplish the item, some of it responds to things i daydream or imagine or
brainstorm or remember associated with the item, some of it simply keys
onto words or phrases …

I mentioned to therapist about “titrating” which I’d hears in a trauma
support group; taking approaches very very slowly. They hadn’t heard this
term, but I meant to refer to how I’d found some success in being so slow
that the parts were actually pretty okay with it. It meant so slow it
basically wasn’t happening, but it gave a place to develop it. (I was
referring to the wim hof shower experiments where one thing that really
helped too was journaling and normativity and other things. I stopped doing
it sadly, but it had very strong staying power).

The todo list was tense, especially with the phrase in quotes in the
following paragraph. When I think about it, I feel like even just saying
one letter again could upset things so much that I abandon the email. For
years, we’ve been studying how to be productive.This means not abandoning
tasks, likely, but finding ways to stay with them and make progress.

Another thing I mentioned is the delicateness of these parts, super
delicate.

(…
2145 01-16
(right now it’s responding to its perception i think of me trying to resist
it (which bears a little reality but i think could leave out my interest in
working with it
2147

so, i’m thinking of spending some time specifically not writing a todo
list, for the overt intent of building ease around todo lists, because i
want to write them. holding these 3 things consciously.

- i want to write todo lists
- i don’t want to stimulate anything bad in my parts
- i’m not writing one at the moment, specifically for these two things

- i’m not writing a todo list, because i understand it’s a concern, and i’d
like to

i feel that probing the nature of any concern is a further concern, and i
express i do not want to probe in this way, in any harmful way. i am
curious, only because i want to write one. todo lists help me in many ways,
and are part of executive functionining.


we’re thinking maybe it could be nice to have space for parts to veto items
in todo lists. some of us are considering that we can’t always know every
property of somethijg in a todo list (don’t think that yet, too much
negstiviity


i’m not writing a todo list, and i’d like to write todo lists :)

2151

i’m feeling some displeasure, and i’m thinking it could be nice to reduce
the displeasure, if there were any way to do this.

2152

i’m feeling a lot of tension. i’m imagining a part of me needing to defend
itself.

(we’re losing it)

2153

this was a meditation on todo lists

lorem ipsum dolor sit amet
[X]
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