Messy Epitaph for Karl (in case squelched)

[Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many]

I came to coderman on the offtopic tor irc channel in the mid 2010s.
He forwarded me here.

I returned to the channel and it seemed to havenchanged, and people
talked like they were involved in what was happening to me (“we are
controlling you”).

When I managed to return to that channel some years later, it had
disappeared (“dumpster fire”) and I was muted when I tried to discuss
things.

I expect I am here because I don’t know what to do, it seemed like my
last resource to sort things out. Coderman said he doesn’t remember
the exchange.

This is my whole life, and I don’t know what it is, but people near here did.

Because of it I live in two parts, always battling not to harm others
and myself. It’s similar to psychotic breaks but more dissociative,
focused on my behavior and thoughts with conflicting reasons.

It’s nice to be able to express a little in the spam posting after
having been so strongly silenced, and it gives the other part ease to
be spamming. It’s really helped me think occasionally.

Honestly something wasn’t expecting PGP to be so hard, and I wasn’t
expecting coderman to not remember this exchange. It was a gamble, and
now I don’t know what to do.